soo.. mmy boyfriend is joining and we have to get married i have questions

[Unregistered]

I am 20 year old woman with a child and a boyfriend who is joining and we have to get married they told us. i was just wondering what its like to be a military wife and specifically an army wife he is about to enlist leaves in oct or nov for boot and we just have to get married before he enlists basically cause of the baby any one have any advice??

[MarriedMyHero88]

Hi,
I have never heard anyone having to get married before someone joins but I have only been part of the Army wife lifestyle for about 2 years now so I havent heard everything.
but army life is always interesting and I think its fun. we always have fun things to do with kids and I just love all the new people we meet.
I just think its a fun experience until it comes to deployments then I dread that time.
but good luck with everything girl. and as an Army wife I have always been told and tell people "Always keep your Head up no matter what happens"

[*Jes-Lyn*]

Who is they?

[*Jes-Lyn*]

Just my humble opinion but I don't believe in getting married because "you have to". The Army life is hard on the best of marriages and a marriage of convenience or for the sake of a baby just doesn't seem right to me. I would think long and hard before jumping into this lifestyle. It's no picnic no matter how much Lifetime has glamorized it, it's not for the weak and be prepared to spend a lot of nights alone. If you don't really love your fiancé/boyfriend for the right reasons and don't think you can handle this life as a whole, do him a favor and don't say those vows. It's a commitment, you have to know that coming in, you really do.

Also, as far as the baby is concerned once he is in the ARMY the baby as his dependant will get healthcare. You are the one who will not receive healthcare unless you two are married.

[Wife2Wavie]

As long as the child is his, the child will be covered under Tricare for medical. If the child is his and your not married he will get partial BAH to cover the care of his child. Also you would have to get an ID card to be able to take the child to the doctors until he is 10 years of age.

Was marriage something you guys were talking about?

[Dora17]

Who told you you had to get married? You (meaning yourself and the child) don't have to do anything, despite what a recruiter may tell you. Until the day you sign on the dotted line yourself, you are still a civilian and the Army can't make you do anything.

That being said, just be aware that you and the baby (if it's not his) will not be eligible for any Army benefits if you're not married. Whether you chose to get married before he goes in so that you can take advantage of the benefits is your call. Just be sure to think about it, as the other ladies have said.

Army life is tough, but it can also be rewarding. He'll be gone a lot, have sporadic, random schedules that don't coroporate with holidays and birthdays, and especially during basic training and other types of training, you can expect not to hear from him often. You'll have to get used to doing things without him, which can suck, but it can also make you stronger and appreciate each other more when you do get to spend time together. And, you'll have to be flexible, because his schedule can change without warning. I guess that's it in a nutshell. Good luck!

[ExoticIntegrity]

My husband and I were practically in the same situation three years ago. In fact, our anniversary will be Haloween. The recruiters may be advising marriage as a reasonable way to go because the married soldier receives a lil' more than a single soldier in the same rank but not by much. Also, depending on your financial circumstances , it may or may not make more sense to you to be taken care of through always having a home and health care...but there's a mighty price to pay for living this life. It's kind of like ...living under an umbrella but the military style owns your life; which isn't all that bad if u're truly sure of commiting to a mass amount of change to endure the sacrifices. Just remember , the choice is solely yours because it is your life. Also, if your boyfriend is ready and open to marriage now, there's no reason he would'nt be later on. If he's willing to take on marriage, he's willing to take care of you regardless of having a certificate to prove it to you. Unless, there's some doubt of him leaving u behind, I'd marry just for the sake of protecting yourself and the baby. I'm sorry, I hope this isn't too much. Another aspect to consider, is how much the pressure of boot camp and ait will have upon the individual as well as the transition in to active(although because of the new age it's not as harsh as it use to be so may not apply)...so much so, it's enough to make some of them go a-wahl or take their life and sometimes if they don't go a-wahl from the army, they'll go a-wahl from another part of their life.... because it can drastically change who your boyfriend is now...although it depends on the man. My husband was a very sensitive kind of man prior to what he's been through and has an extreme work ethic so he kind of gave his heart away to the commitment of becoming a "True Soldier". Fortunately enough, since his current deployment , it has changed his perspective so he's coming back around. U really never know. Keep in mind, the recruiters truly do paint a pretty picture. I hope this helps. It's just what I wish someone would've shared with me back then so remain objective...because it's only one woman's experience out of millions. Oh yeah, also this lil' tid bit might help with perspective ...only 2 percent of America are willing to do what your boyfriend is about to take oath in. Best of Wishes to you,baby, and the boyfriend.

[macboysmama]

Some times you are pushed to get married because if not he would be joining as a single parent. And then he would have to set up who would get the child or sign away most of his rights to the mother. It also takes longer in order to join. My husband and I had to get married before meps in order for him to even be considered. We have been together for 10 years and were engaged and had a wedding already planned for next spring so really it did not make a difference. We just ended up going to city hall and will still have our wedding. We also have three boys, so it really made no difference. But I do agree that if you are not ready than do not get married just for the benifits, and stuff like that. I hate it when ppl get married just because the are pregnant, it takes a lot more than a baby to make a relationship really work.

[ExoticIntegrity]

Just to clear up any confusion, I'm sorry if I offended anyone...I know it may have seemed harsh of me to make the comment about marrying to protect yourself...but times are harsh...sometimes it calls for even harsher measures. In fact, it's totally unlike me, I'm actually a romantic...but I'm also the sister of three single mothers because the fathers couldn't live up to the hardship of having a family on nothing so...I personally know the aftermath of a provider/father being out of the picture and basically leaving them behind. I don't condone the whole marrying because of pregnancy either. In fact , neither of my sisters did and the choice was right for them but I'm sure if they had a man ready to be there for them financially , may have felt differently. I was and am still very much in love with my hubby....if I was any other woman, I would've dropped out of all this a long time ago...but I'm still here because it is True Love and it helps that we are Best Friends..actually, we only have each other so. The previous post also helped me understand the importance of marriage upon entering the army. What an awesome site.

[Alexis Marie]

I just wanted to add that she didn say they were engaged already... so im pretty sure its not a marriage of convenience.

[macboysmama]

I wasn't trying to offend anyone either - in fact we must have posted at the same time because I did not even see your post before I posted mine (ExoticIntegrity) - I am all for protecting yourself!! I just think getting married before you are ready is silly! I think both people have to be really ready for it! Anyways, I am sorry if I really did make anyone upset, I was only trying to show that sometimes people are pushed into that idea by a recruiter.

[*Jes-Lyn*]

I just wanted to add that she didn say they were engaged already... so im pretty sure its not a marriage of convenience.

umm... yeah but they have a baby and they are not married. She is worried about health care for a baby and that's where the convenience comes into play.

Which is why she said and I quote "we just have to get married before he enlists basically cause of the baby."

[Killeen_Princess]

Don't be pushed by the recruiters but if you two love each other and there aren't any big issues like cheating or abuse and were already engaged which means you were planning on getting married anyway then it wouldn't be a marriage of convenience it would just be a date being pushed up a bit.

[Izzy46]

The OP is not a member anymore :)

[*Jes-Lyn*]

figures...

[Autumnarmywife76]

Hi,
When my Husband joined the military they told him he had to get married to . his wife at the time had a daughter already and they has 2 kids. they have u get married for the benifits. the medical and the bah is part of it. When he moves the his post they military will pay you to move.. but if ur not married then they don't help you as much. yeah they will still pay for his stuff but then he's be in the barrracks becasue you get extra money for being married to help take care of the family. If I were you I would get married before he leaves.. If you already have kids with him and you live together then its not going to be any different. I will say being a military wife is not easy and its not for everyone.. Everyone know's if hes military hes going to deploy. He will be gone A lot and you will be left alone.. he may be tdy or even out in the field for weeks/months at a time. Its not easy being taken to a new place and just left there 2 months after u get there.. this can and will happen. I love being a military wife I could not ask for more.. but it took me a long time to adjust. you will always move around never stay in one spot to even get settled down in so its a go go life style.. I would not say anything bad about the military or being an army wife just be ready for the experience you are about to have because its none stop.
Julie

[XxGGirl14xX]

Does it matter if you get married before he leaves compared to during basic... my df and I plan on getting married during christmas exodus. Does that mess anything up because he already started training.... Not to thread steal, but it's along the same lines... getting married before vs. during or after. We aren't changing our plans. I was just wondering.